Kareoke will never be a sober sport
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
