You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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