dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize