Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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