So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
