So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
