we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
where are you?
Hypothermia
then he tried to convert me to islam
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
