I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
