What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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