is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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