ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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