Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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