One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
