I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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