I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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