Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
