We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
