so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
