I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
