i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
