don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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