SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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