ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
