I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
