i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He kissed a someone with a penis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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