who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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