garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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