It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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