Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
