I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
