i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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