I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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