Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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