tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
