today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
