it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
