I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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