i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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