you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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