Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
