very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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