my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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