You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
