They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
