dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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