i permit you to call me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
