a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
