How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
