I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
