i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
