We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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