if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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