she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
