I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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