I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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