I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
