I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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