I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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