i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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