i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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