theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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