I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
