I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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