oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize