I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
