I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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