Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize