saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize