But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it hurts more in the daytime
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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