I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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