I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize