im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
