Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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