this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
